Iran, The Stereotypical, The Mysterious, The wonderful

                                   Iran

                                                                     Part 1

In a continent far far away, exists a country called Iran. Little is known of this mysterious place other than its problems like nuclear power, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and women's rights, which we as Canadians proudly display in our media to promote the idea that this is all that exists in the borders of this country.

But.... there is a man, who does not listen to others, who's personality could only be described as rude but in this case heroic.  his mission is simple, to let the people of his land know what really lies in these dangerous lands. his story has to take place, for if it does not the fate of his people will lie in the retarded minds of politicians and our media.

He has traveled thousands of miles, across oceans, deserts, treacherous mountains, and so so many buses playing shit Turkish pop music. He sits in a Kebab house in a small dusty Turkish border town called Doğubayazıt. his mind is calm but constantly being plagued by the thoughts of what awaits for him on the other side of the border........

Well there i was. packing my bags with excitement and intent, but to be honest i was a little nervous. i was venturing into the UNKOWN. with the help of Google i successfully wrapped my girlfriend into a hajab to cover her sinful head, and we were off. We waved our farewells to Dogubayazit and found the nearest Dolmus yelling Iran.

Dolmus : A Turkish Taxi that operates by cramming humans as if they are sardines into its grey dirty cigarette smoke lined interior, but they are cheap as hell!!!.

The drive there was pristine, tall white capped mountain peaks, and golden fields of grass. Mt Ararat was looming in the distance to remind us of how ancient and mysterious these lands were. And at all at once we saw it, tall barbed wire fences, machine guns, and Kebab shacks, we were here!!.. the border. the next stage was fast paced and some what a blur. We walked a distanced crossed the Turkish alliance and head straight into the heart of darkness. There were cloaked figures with there hands in the air, men flashing what looked like millions of Rials and Tomans,

Rials and Tomans : Iran official has only one currency, the Rial. but Iranians like to think otherwise. they think in Tomans, but sometimes Rials, but mostly Tomans. so it is accepted that foreigners have no idea what the hell Iranians are talking about when it comes to money. but in a rough explanation 1 Toman equals 10 000 rial.

and boxes after boxes of what can only be drugs and booze being smuggled pass the officials. The whole process can only be described as horrific, intense but kinda fun? after you bitch slap a few people, get yelled at by an officer, and get interviewed by another officer then you finally get thrown into the hands of the black market men and the underground taxi world.

I ignored the black market men to exchange money but a good tip is don't listen to your guide book (you know who you are LP) and do exchange with them because in this country everything is backwards, the banks rips you off and the black market is usually an honest and accepted alternative and way of life here. so me the stupid tourist went to the border bank. I exchanged four hundred Euros and in return was given what looked like all of the banks money. I stuffed the pounds of money in my bag and ran out believing I had just robbed the bank of Iran. But once you start seeing how much things cost in Iran you will Realize your not as rich as you think.

I entered the Taxi mafia zone and realization finally hit me... I was in Iran, all the bullshit for a visa and people saying " don't go there you will die", well I was actually in Iran. After my Mental high floated away Me and my Girl friend Grace got crammed into a Cab by a man who truly believed I spoke Farsi. we were whisked like a speeding bullet down the mountain side and put into the hands of more taxi mafia.... painful. well after being ripped off im sure by more taxi men calling me there "friend" we were on the correct path, which was to the bus station in Maku. Our taxi driver was a young lad, very young much younger than me. He blasted the latest pop music from europe and america through is plastic shit speakers loud enough to deafen most tourists, and he drove as if he too had also robbed the bank of Iran, maybe he did at least we had something in common. but with fast driving means faster getting to the bus station so we could sit and wait for our bus.

The bus was six hours long to Tabriz, it was another pristine and beautiful drive through lush valleys and great mountains. When we arrived The hunt began for our hotel. Iran first of all has a problem with westerners who are both male and female wanting to stay in the same room. but most hotels are ok with it. the biggest problem we were faced with is that Iran Is going through a huge inflation, meaning everything has tripled and some times even quadrupled in price.  

After finally finding a dump hotel we ventured the streets of Tabriz. It was Exciting, our first night in Iran. the streets were buzzing with people. Every corner and available space on the buildings were lit with fluorescent lights of all colors' creating a dazzling display almost putting you into a seizure. walking through the streets we were greeted always with smiles and curiosity. A shop caught our eye, it was so bright that your eyes could barely focus at it in the night. inside there was a complex display of plastic fruit and luckily real fruit in which you pick to be blended into a fruit smoothie. this is where I first tried fresh Squeezed pomegranate juice. its taste is described as bold, sour and extremely wonderful. The juice was great but I was ready to experience Iranian Cuisine. one of the soul reasons of coming here. We found a Restaurant which was called.. well I have no idea there is no English there. The owner of the restaurant was so excited to have us, he acted as if we were celebrities, things he had only ever seen on TV. he was able to explain with his vocabulary of ten English words that Kebabs are the only thing on the menu, and with my look of despair he gave me the look that can only be saying " all the restaurants have the same". O well, the Kebab was a mixture of beef, lamb and spices served on a heaping pile of saffron rice, it was in fact delicious, a perfect introductory to Iranian Cuisine. the evening was spent speaking through sign language and showing the owner pictures of my home and my life.

The next day we took the long bus ride to Tehran, The Capitol city of Iran. Tehran is defiantly the most vile and horrible place in Iran. the streets are bumper to bumper traffic, motor bikes ride on the side walks, and every time you breath you are slowly killing yourself from the amount of pollution in the air. But past its rough exterior is the heart and soul of this country, everything that happens in Iran first begins here. Our arrival was late at night, too save money we took the subway down town. when you get to the subway you are given a choice... yes a choice, either get on the women's only cabin, or the men's only, we decided to stick together and chance it on the men's only. Its inner tubes were crowded this late at night and when a space opened up grace jotted into the seat, to her surprise the man next to her jumped up as if he had broke a sacred rule, well in Iran he almost did, and that rule is never should a man sit next to a women he does not know, its just there culture is all i pondered to my self.

finding our hotel was not a "fun" experience.  In the end we gave up and found ourselves a decent looking place named "Mashad Hotel".... not sure why?. The owner was A man named Mamoud, he invited us to smoke sheesha with him right away.

Sheesha : Its a delightful middle eastern tobacco smoked through a water pipe. the tobacco is dipped in flavored molasses to give it a fruity flavor. its essential to indulge in every day wile in Iran.. otherwise you have not been to Iran.

We entered a smoke filled room and I saw them!! other travelers... I thought me and Grace were the only ones!!. well we were not the only ones to join the elite line of people who can actually call them self's travelers. we were joined by another fellow Canadian and his brother, an Australian who looked like Jesus, and a creepy Korean dude who had a fetish with dressing like an Arab and talking to young Iranian high school girls.... ya hes probably dead. We spent our night puffing away on apple flavored smoke and being hypnotized by the bubbling sound of the water pipe, and exchanging stories and a cheap laugh or two.

The night was restless, we had strategically been placed in a room that seemed to be right next to on coming vehicles, the noise was horrendous. so waking early with no sleep meant finding food fast.. real fast. That was to be a problem in Iran, the Streets appeared to only be filled with tire shops. I was in a daze, cars and motor bikes wizzing pass me left and right, pollution pouring into my lungs, I was so tired that I could probably sleep amidst all this chaos, and that's when it hit me, like the shining light in Tabriz a glorious fruit stand appeared in my eyes. I ran... no I basically galloped to it. yes there I was sucking down more pomegranate juice as if it was a drug, I was addicted. what I ate for breakfast that day I am not to sure. the menu said pork, but pork is banned in Iran. yes the possibilities' of what it was ran through my mind but it hit the spot and the locals gave me a smile and nod to assure me that this is where its at!.

Bellies full we decided to walk to what the locals call, the US den of espionage. What is this place you might ask, well its the former US Embassy where students held 52 US diplomats hostage for 444 days. Nowadays its where the Anti American students rally together in support of one another. The place is covered in murals depicting everything from a evil statue of liberty to American bombs blowing up baby nesting birds. Yes its an odd sight to see but I can assure you that 99 percent of Iranians don't actually think this way. Iran just like Canada also suffers from young dumbasses going to school on there parents money and instead of actually helping the world they just protest and cause more problems. But never the less I looked both ways for people and took a few pictures, the night before the Australian I met at the hotel told me of how he was temporarily arrested for taking pictures of this place, I was not going to let this happen to me. Now when I think about it acting sneaky and taking photos is probably what a spy would have done... o well I prevailed. We took the subway back to central Iran so we could make it to the Tehran Bazaar in time for lunch. Its a great bazaar and an even greater place to just get lost amidst all the smells and stalls full of strange things. I wanted to eat where the locals eat, a place where the people of Persia get there afternoon fix, and Unfortunately i found just that. A big greasy burger joint called RIO. they served Giant four patties burgers with Iranian ingredients and style toppled onto thousands upon thousands of calories and grease. its a sick but pleasurable experience that can be summed up into one word... "sinful".

well my stomach was full but i was hungry for more of what Tehran and Iran had to Offer but this was just the beginning to this journey and what lay ahead for me in this mysterious but wonderful place.